Jennifer Groft

 

1. Happy Birthday to me, I am 43! That rhymes so well, I might actually sing in out loud. So obviously I am 43 today, which seems kind of old. I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with being in my forties, but it is way more love than I ever expected. Here you go, in list form.

2. I don’t feel nearly as bound by silly, unimportant rules, which is why I made the intro to this post number 1. 43 things is a lot, so I needed to use up a number when I could.

3. When I was in high school I was sure that life would be officially boring and “over” by the time I was 24. How wrong I was.

4. While I still feel like a shy child, I care a lot less about what other people think, so I am more willing to just go ahead and do something crazy like ask for directions or converse with the cashier at the grocery store.

5. I thought I would feel more accomplished by this time in my life. But at least now I am pretty sure that most people feel at least similarly to how I do in this. I look ahead at what is yet to be done, not behind me at what I have and have not done.

6. I thought my 40s would feel older.

7. I’m very glad they don’t.

8. It bothers me that society as a whole seems to frown on and laugh at women who are past their 30s. Unless of course they look like they are still 20, then anything goes. It’s demeaning to say “woman of a certain age” because what people mean by that is a cranky, hormonal, aging woman. Okay maybe the first two don’t fit some of the official descriptions, but it is still kind of a snidely used label. Maybe I fit the description, but it is still rude.

9. When my first child started school I was the youngest mommy in the bunch. Now I am among the oldest. This kind of stinks socially. All the young mommies do their thing and hang out. But then I guess you have time to do that when your oldest child is in kindergarten.

10. The social issue doesn’t really bother me, since I wouldn’t have time to hang out anyway. I have great friends and though we seldom talk and even more rarely see each other, it never feels like any times has passed when we do get together.

11. Being the older mom means that all the school volunteer sign ups are usually filled before I have a chance to read them. This is good news for me, not so good news for my little one who so desperately wants me to go on a field trip with her.

12. Now I just say, “We’ll go to the zoo on our own and have more fun anyway.”

13. I am no longer willing to attend optional events that I don’t find interesting or fun. I could be home reading a book or other nicer things.

14. I have friends who have had heart attacks or other health problems that are at least marginally age related.

15. This has been a wake up call to me. I am trying to take better care of myself, not to be skinnier or wear cuter clothes (although I won’t complain if that happens) but to keep up my health, make my life one of quality, and feel more energetic.

16. This includes eating better, getting some exercise, and trying desperately to reduce stress.

17. I enjoy exercise way more than I did as a child. I was the kid who was always last picked on the team because I ran slowly and couldn’t catch a ball.

18. Now I run as much for my mental health as for my physical health. It is just a half hour a few times a week where I don’t think about anything but the rhythm of my steps and breathing in and out.

19. I have children who are my friends. They call and talk to me on purpose, they listen to what I have to say, and they tell me about their lives. When I had 4 small children and couldn’t even get the dishes done every day, I never saw this wonderful reward coming.

20. I still have small children who make getting the dishes done difficult. But now it really doesn’t worry me as much.

21. As far as housecleaning goes, I sometimes let things slide, but less often than I used to, because I have learned the price of lowered standards. Now I have help not only in making the mess, but also cleaning it up. Sometimes.

22. But you will still find dirty dishes in my sink and dust bunnies on my floor and I won’t care that you saw them. Usually.

23. I have rediscovered the joys of good fiction. I spent most of my thirties immersed in nonfiction books about being more organized or more healthy or whatever. I want my children’s minds to be steeped in stories, so I am doing the same for my own.

24. Stories help life make more sense.

25. I still reread The Lord of the Rings and The Chronicles of Narnia about every other year.

26. Laundry isn’t torture. There are other things I would rather do, but it is kind of a meditative chore, and the kids usually leave me alone while I do it (lest they be sent to put some of it away).

27. My car is usually cleaner than it was when I was younger. I just don’t like having to move things to put my purse or water bottle down.

28. Does that make me grumpy?

29. Maybe I should take a nap. I like naps now, or even just putting my feet up.

30. Dining out is a different experience than when I was younger. Most chain restaurants are sort of boring, except for a choice few, and while I might still grab something at fast food from time to time, Denny’s is no longer appealing at all. See how discerning my tastes have become?

31. I only go to the mall if I have to buy something. But when I go, I still love to walk around and look at stuff.

32. Buying clothes for my children is much funner than buying clothes for myself. I can always count on the clothing looking good on them.

33. This means most of my clothing is bought on the fly at Target. And my wardrobe stays pretty limited.

34. But I don’t care as much as I once did. As long as I have something to wear that looks like it is in good shape, I am usually pretty happy. Oh, and it has to fit.

35. I currently own clothing in 3 different sizes.

36. I’m always a little embarrassed when I walk into Target and realize that I am dressed head to toe in Target clothing.

37. My body is not what I thought it would be at this age. It is both better and worse.

38. It is better because it can do and has done amazing things. Like growing and birthing 9 children.

39. My body impresses me with what it can do with regards to exercise. I may have a long way to go, but my body is strong and ready for the journey!

40. I am frustrated with all the soft jiggly parts of my body. I wish I had the body I had years ago when I thought I was fat.

41. Still, even though my shape is not one I am very proud of, you will find me out and about, going to the store or dropping my children off in ridiculous looking workout clothes. I am more interested in making it easy to work out than in looking great.

42. A pony tail is still my favorite hairstyle to wear.

43. Here I am at number 43 and there is still so much to tell! I love my husband more than I ever thought possible and we are still constantly learning about each other and ways to be together.

I am a writer. I used to be afraid to say those words out loud because I didn’t have an officially published thing to show for it. But I write. A lot. And I think about writing a lot and am always trying to be a better writer.

I have nine children, and they take up a good portion of my heart, but I no longer let them define who I am as a person. I lost a lot of years to that. Those were good years, but they could have been better if I had given myself more room to breathe.

Jesus is my best friend. When people ask me “How do you do it?” I might not say it out loud but I am definitely thinking, Jesus carries me through every moment of every day. I am not always such a good friend to Him. I am distractible and self centered. He is still with me every moment.

I am interested in politics and things going on around the world. But you will seldom hear me discuss it. I know my mind and my ideas. I read what I can and find out more – even reading some opposing ideas.

Each day I realize more that I love being in my 40s. I have some complex stresses in my life, but they are more than balanced out by the fact that the world is an amazing place. I do not have time to be afraid to do the things I want to do. My family is by my side and there is always something to laugh about or someone to hug. This is my life, and I am so thankful God put me in it. Thank you, too, Jay, for being by my side and making it even better.

One more thing, here I am –