Jennifer Groft

I am always on the look out for a good way to organize all the things. All the time, all the events, all the jobs, all the relationships… I just grasp at ways to organize the things in my life so I don’t feel so messy inside. When I am feeling stressed, my first reaction is to sit down and list all the things I need to do, in the order I need to do them, in a schedule showing me exactly when they will get done and how long they will take.

While making this kind of crazy list usually calms me down a little bit, I think it may be more because I go and hide to do it, and therefore get a little time alone. The list itself stresses me out and is just one more thing that I need to take into account as I juggle my way through the day.

There was one time when I had everything together – I was about 7 months pregnant with our third child. I was following the Sidetracked Home Executives plan, index cards and all. For a short space of time I got all my housework done before 9am, my house was clean, my laundry caught up, and I had time for playdates and crafts. I only had one child in school a the time, in Kindergarten, and one home with me all day, but old enough to play by himself for a while. Bliss. I was a Good Mom then; everything was under control.

And then our third child was born. She was a nice quiet newborn, but she started crying when she was two weeks old and I don’t think she stopped for six straight months. I have never been on top of things again. That was 19 years ago.

I grasp at these plans and books like some kind of lifeline. Surely someone can help me make sense of my own chaos! There was Sidetracked Home Executives, Sink Reflections (FlyLady), MotivatedMoms, Getting Things Done, Maximize Your Mornings, and many more I have blocked from my memory. Sometimes I would combine parts of different plans to try to get the right fit. Each time I would take time from my family to work out the whole system on paper or on the computer. Then I would sit my long-suffering husband down and tell him, “This is how we are going to do things now. We were disorganized and doing things wrong before but now I know better. All we have to do is follow these specific steps and we will have peace and cleanliness.” I don’t think I ever said it exactly like that, but whatever I said sounded just as insane. He would nod and do everything in his power to learn the new system.

Some systems last for a year or more, some fizzle out in less than a week.

I have most recently been following Mystie Winckler’s Declutter Your Head & Organize Your Home, which sounds like it is the perfect fit for a cluttered mind like mine. Except that it was making me crazy just like every other plan out there.

After spending more than three hours last week, again making my own amalgamation of plans and lists, I said enough is enough. As I looked at my new plan, I realized that all it did was to make me feel stress and feelings of failure. I can never do all the things I need to do in a day. Putting them on a list is just a way to beat myself with it at the end of the day.

So, at least temporarily, I am fasting from to-do lists, household systems, and books on self help of organizing. Just to be totally honest, I have a to-do list for out of the ordinary things I need to do, like make signs for an event at school. But I went through that list and wiped out all the due dates. If there is something that needs to happen at a certain time. I will set a reminder on my calendar.

I am going to trust myself to not forget to take care of my family and house.

Whoa. This is just so revolutionary for me. I am not trying to quantify the work I get done in a day. The vacuuming will get done, the bathroom cleaned, even if it is not at perfectly spaced intervals. I know for a fact that I work my bum off every day, even on the days I sit down and take a break for a few minutes. I might not be able to remember what I did at the end of the day, but I now for a rock solid fact that if I hadn’t done it, people would notice. I am, for the most part, taking a break from goals. I have some things I am working on, but all the deadlines are gone for now.

This free-from-list living only began a few days ago, but I already feel less stressed. I also feel that familiar itch to just pick up a book and find a solution to just fix things.

Those books and systems I listed are all good resources, they might be help that someone else needs. This isn’t a diatribe against them. I have learned many things from them, and I know that some of that is still incorporated in what I do on a daily basis. I had become addicted to measuring myself by what I could do.

Part of my wake up call was recognizing the tight, stressed feeling this planning system left me with. Part of it was finding myself thinking about mercy. The verse I am learning is “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16) Just like I could never get to Heaven without God’s mercy, the job I have here on earth is beyond me. If I give myself some mercy, maybe I can lean in to God’s mercy with more trust. Showing myself mercy may actually be good practice in giving mercy to others.