I turned 40 last year. It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time, but the importance of that is growing on me as the year passes. (And oh, it’s passing too fast!) I’m not what I once was. I’m still me, don’t get me wrong, and a better me at that. But in my younger years, it seemed like maintaining good health and more importantly, a healthy spirit, came so naturally. I didn’t have to work to really take care of myself. Maybe I should have done more then, but I didn’t and I could slide by okay. Now it seems like I need a whole lot of maintenance. I need to make sure I eat right and get some exercise, or I can barely drag myself out of bed. I need to journal my thoughts and feelings, read delightful books, create beautiful things, and talk about what is bothering me or I find myself getting bitter and depressed.
These certainly aren’t new activities for me. But they have moved from things I do when I have time or a little extra energy to things that I can not live without – can not thrive without. Which brings me back to Jars.In part one of Jars, I shared the story of the Widow and the Oil and talked about how God will supply what I lack when I offer Him those things that are important to me and ask Him to fill me up through them. I listed my children, my husband, my home, my toys. But I’m pretty important to me too, although sometimes you wouldn’t know it from how I drag myself around. God is using all those other things to fill me up, but it’s not just up to Him. The next passage I ran into with jars in it was the story of the 10 Virgins.
Matthew 25:1-13
“Then the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones, when taking their lamps, brought no oil with them, but the wise brought flasks of oil with their lamps. Since the bridegroom was long delayed, they all became drowsy and fell asleep. At midnight, there was a cry, ‘Behold, the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’ Then all those virgins got up and trimmed their lamps. The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’ But the wise ones replied, ‘No, for there may not be enough for us and you. Go instead to the merchants and buy some for yourselves.’ While they went off to buy it, the bridegroom came and those who were ready went into the wedding feast with him. Then the door was locked. Afterwards the other virgins came and said, ‘Lord, Lord, open the door for us!’ But he said in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, I do not know you.’ Therefore, stay awake, for you know neither the day nor the hour.
The foolish maidens ran out of oil. I feel so often like I am out of oil. I scramble around on Sunday to get everyone ready for mass, only to arrive and realize that I forget to get myself ready – in spirit – for mass. So all the grace that is poured out on me seems to just spill all over the floor since I wasn’t prepared to catch it. Some days the kids are whiny and needy. It feels like I break up one fight or tantrum after another. They need me to pour out God’s grace on them, into their little empty jars, but I am empty too.
The Widow was blessed for providing empty jars, and the foolish maidens were left out of the wedding feast because they ran out. So how can I stock up on oil so that I am prepared for a long wait like the maidens had? How can I be ready to recieve the oil that God provides?
The answer to the second question is the easiest – and the hardest. How can I be ready to receive the oil that God provides? I need confession. My sins fasten little lids to my jars. My selfish attitudes, my carelessly spoken words, and my fallenness ensure that nothing gets into my jar. No grace, no oil. When I see myself for what I really am, just some crazy, messed up, fallen sinner, and remember that Jesus looked at me in that very state and decided to die for me and take all that on Himself it becomes a little easier to relinquish my strangle hold on how I think things should go. I reorient myself towards Him and reconcile with Him through His beautiful sacrament of confession. The lids on my jars are removed and I am ready for Him to pour the grace into them. Confession itself is grace, but it also prepares us to store up more grace by being open to Jesus by reconciling with Him.
Now the first question: how can I stock up on oil so that I am prepared for a long wait like the maidens had? I started this post talking about that sort of thing. I need to take care of myself. I need to gather up the jars to be filled by journaling out bad thinking, getting some exercise, enjoying the beauty around me, and (the hard one!) getting enough rest. More important even than those is prayer. I am still learning this and am quite the beginner in really understanding what it even means.
What that means for me right now it that I set aside a half hour in the first thing in the morning for prayer and bible study, and some time later in the day for some other spiritual reading and prayer. On the few days that I have missed spending this time, I have regretted it most of the day. I feel unsettled all day and often can’t put my finger on what is wrong with me.
The more I spend time listening, the more I really sense God speaking to me, guiding me, and filling my jars. I have a lot of work to do – or rather He has a lot to work on in me. But day by day He is reminding me that He is walking right with me. “He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.” And He helps me keep my jars full too.